eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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