mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
