why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
