where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
