I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
