I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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