So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
