Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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