I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
