Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
