2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
