Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
