I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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