And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
