That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
