We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
