Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
where are my eyebrows?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
