I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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