so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
