Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we should paint friendship bongs
why is half of my head shaved?
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