At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
