Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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