is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
