Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
