You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
