Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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