Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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