Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
