I never want to see another naked old woman again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
