My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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