this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
handjob tips. give me some.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
