is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
