it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
