omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
