is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
