Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
