last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
