I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
