she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
