Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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