Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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