The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
