she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
