Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
