his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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