I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's a Shit stain on my heart
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
