This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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