No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
