Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
