i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My balls are so social today.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
